Have I always been confident? No, so what changed?

When I tell people that I’m a coach and that my speciality is helping people be more confident, they think I’m all firm handshakes and a big booming voice. Anyone who knows me, appreciates that I’m not.  

Someone recently asked me at a seminar I was delivering if I had always been confident.  Had I always been able to look comfortable when delivering a talk and able to maintain good eye contact? No. Definitely not. 

I was always a quiet boy and got nervous in situations where the pressure (in my mind) would be on, like playing football in front of a crowd. This continued into my teens and then a bit into my working life. I always had that feeling that people were probably better than me and I mistook the fact that they went for things like new jobs, promotions and competitions, as confirmation that they were.  

I got by. So what changed? A few things but the biggest one was this.  

I tried. 

I just started to try things and noticed that I could do them. I went for a promotion, I breezed it (the feedback said that). Then I went for a job that I thought was a step up too far and against all my beliefs, I got it.  

There were some setbacks along the way but I started to realise the more I tried things the easier it became. The easier it became, the more confident I got.  

In short, it's this; if doing something or going into a situation makes you feel less confident, don’t avoid it, do it MORE. The more you do it the easier it becomes, the more confident you get. 

So, have I always been confident giving talks and maintaining good eye contact, no. But I kept doing it, and now I am.  

What will you try?