Everybody else confident? Are you sure?
Early in my career I used to think being the boss was synonymous with confidence. That they knew exactly what they were doing all the time, never worried about speaking to a packed audience and were sure about all their decisions. It’s only when I got to more senior positions and worked closely with the leadership teams and saw ‘behind the curtain’ that I realised this theory was off the mark.
I realised that they’re not confident all the time. But what they were good at doing was recognising the situations when they might not be as assured, why this was happening and then doing things to manage and mitigate it. For example, practicing a speech over and over or running through something with a trusted colleague, friend or coach. They did something that work for them so they could and helps to get past what could get in the way and perform at their best.
This realisation was important for me for two reasons, I realised that:
It was normal to lack confidence sometimes - when you are feeling out of your comfort zone and anxious about a presentation or decision, it's easy to feel like everyone else is good at this and doesn’t worry. So knowing that even the most senior colleagues can get wobbly allowed me to be kinder to myself. This normal.
Confidence is not fixed: It can be developed and improved I realised there are things I could do to get that little bit more confident when I needed it. For example, rather than just accepting that I was nervous when giving presentations to the senior leadership team, I started to focus on what was happening and what I could do about it. In this case, it was about reframing how I saw myself in their company – I knew more about my subject matter thananyone else there!
The next time you keep quiet rather than telling the meeting about your great idea or worry that your nerves will stop you from giving your best at the upcoming interview, just remind yourself everyone gets a crisis of confidence at some point, and you can do something about think about why and then what might help.