Feedback is something that’s essential to increasing our self-awareness so we can make more positive choices about how we behave or respond to others. Whether it’s about the report we’ve written, the way we handled a meeting or the meal we just cooked. It helps us to gauge what works, what we’ve done well or what we could improve on. But often when we get feedback, we don’t hear it, or don’t want to hear it. We’re often too distracted by an emotion or the way we are reacting to it to listen properly. And in doing so, we’re missing an opportunity to be better.  

When it feels like someone’s passing judgement on something you’ve done or do, it can be hard to keep a level head. So here are some things you can do to help put your head in the right place to make the most of what could be a great learning opportunity. 

1. When you ask for feedback, be specific - Feedback can mean different things to different people. Here’s an example. You spent the week writing a report, you then pass it to a colleague to look at. You’re thinking: can you just check this to make sure it looks ok and makes sense. They’re thinking: I wouldn’t structure it like this, I don’t like using italics in that way or the page structure should be more like this. You end up getting feedback you didn’t want and doesn’t help. Ask them for exactly what you want; do you want a view on the findings, do you want them to look at your writing, do you want them to give a view about how the CEO might react to it. Be specific. 

2. Don’t let your inner voice add meaning that isn’t there - we all have a story; things that have happened to us, we’ve experienced or felt before. That story is powerful and part of who we are, but we need to be aware when it’s colouring or changing what we hear from feedback. Remember, just because you felt let down by your last boss, it doesn’t mean this one will let you down.  

3. Be honest with yourself – pretty early on in my working career, I started to work for a head of department who used to be in the army and had what I would describe as an old-school approach. For example, he left a clear desk (I mean nothing on it) and locked everything away every night and was back in the office at 7.30am sharp. After being in the role for three months, it was time for my probation chat. I’d worked in a couple of jobs at the same organisation and done well, so was expecting a similar chat. Wrong. This guy tore into me; I spent too long talking, my shirt was often untucked, my attitude was too casual and lacked maturity. I left the room and I was fuming ‘what does this old guy know, he’s outdated with ridiculous standards’. But in the days afterwards, I reflected on what he said and really thought about what I’d been doing. He had a point and I focused on proving him wrong. It was the most important conversation of my career. It’s too easy to dismiss things as just their opinion, it might well be, but make sure also, that you’re being honest with yourself. 

We all get those moments when we find it hard to listen to feedback. I’ve definitely been there. A coach can help you open your mind to feedback by working with you to look at situations differently, and challenge your assumptions to make sure that you can listen and make the most of one of our best learning opportunities.